Psycho-Spiritual Insights: Exploring Parasha and Psychology

Parshat Ki Tisa delves into the story of the sin of the Golden Calf and the subsequent conversation between Moshe Rabeynu and Hashem related to the consequences. During this back and forth, Hashem characterizes Bnei Yisrael as a “stiff-necked people” as the motivation behind many of our struggles. The parsha provides us an opportunity to explore the psychological concept of being Stiff-Necked and the lessons we can learn to overcome this poor quality.

In Exodus 32:9, Hashem says to Moshe that he has seen Bnei Yisrael to be “Am-kesheh-oref hu – a stiff-necked people.” Rashi on the spot writes that Bnei Yisrael turned their stiff-necks away from those who reprove them and refuse to listen. Rashi describes Bnei Yisrael as stubborn and resistant. The Ibn Ezra further elaborates that they refused to follow Hashem’s commands like a person unwilling to turn and listen to someone calling them. The Sforno brings the point home by indicating that Hashem saw no hope in Bnei Yisrael, as the qualities of resistance to change and stubbornness are the precursors to a nation inflexible to grow.

In psychological terms, being "stiff-necked" breeds traits such as stubbornness, rigidity, or resistance to change. It often reflects a certain cognitive inflexibility or emotional resistance to new ideas, perspectives, or ways of doing things. This term is commonly used in a negative context to highlight someone's inflexibility, reluctance to compromise, or refusal to consider alternative viewpoints. It suggests a certain rigidity and resistance to being swayed or influenced by external factors or opinions. A stiff neck usually goes along with a stiff brain.

The Rambam on Deuteronomy 10:16 discusses when Moshe rebukes Bnei Yisrael to no longer being stiffnecked. He describes the first step to overcoming this quality as being self aware, leading to disavowing our incorrect ways. The Gemarah on Taanit 20b says, “a person should always be soft like a reed and not rigid like a cedar.” Addressing psychological stiffness often involves fostering a more flexible mindset, encouraging adaptability, and helping individuals develop coping strategies for managing change.

Here are three tips for overcoming stubbornness and resistance:

1. Cultivate Self-Awareness: Begin by developing a keen awareness of your thoughts, emotions, and reactions. Notice when you feel resistant to change or overly attached to a particular viewpoint. Journaling or mindfulness practices can be valuable tools in enhancing self-awareness.
2. Practice Humility: Embrace the humility to acknowledge mistakes and recognize that change is a natural part of life. Understand that being open to new ideas and perspectives does not diminish your worth; rather, it is a sign of strength and wisdom.
3. Set Small, Achievable Goals for Change: Overcoming stiff-necked tendencies often requires gradual steps toward flexibility. Start by setting small, achievable goals for yourself. Celebrate your successes along the way, reinforcing the idea that change is manageable and rewarding.

Hashem’s rebuke of Bnei Yisrael provides us insight that the more rigid the mindset the fragile the spirit of the person. Parshat Ki Tisa invites us to examine our own tendencies to be stiff-necked and encourages us to break free from rigid mindsets. By doing so, we can navigate life's challenges with greater flexibility, humility, and openness to positive change.