Dear Therapist,
I recently graduated from college and began a job in an accounting firm. Although the job is working out well and I get along with everyone there, I have been feeling increasingly anxious as time goes on. I can't put my finger on what is bothering me because nothing else in my life has changed.
In school I was always a relaxed, happy, popular person. I have good relationships and I am happy with my career, but I can't seem to shake the anxiety. What can I do to help pinpoint the cause?
Response:
Very often, anxiety is an unconscious process whose causes can be difficult to identify. It is this type of anxiety that is so frustrating. When we can pinpoint a clear source for our anxiety, we can question our emotional response, challenge it, and otherwise analyze it to help reduce our problematic feelings. When an emotion appears to make no sense, it can continuously intensify due to our inability to deal with it.
Sometimes, we point to a stressor that “should” be causing anxiety. For instance, I might be feeling anxious for an unknown underlying reason, but will decide that I’m stressed out because of my job or my marriage. When this occurs, we often spin our wheels trying to resolve the identified problem. This can lead to resolution of the identified stressor—only to discover that the anxiety remains, or has increased. Or worse, we can get trapped in the minutiae of the “cause” of the anxiety, leading to a major decision like divorce (once again discovering that the anxiety hasn’t been resolved).
In your case, you haven’t identified any stressor that can be causing your anxiety. With the limited information at hand, I cannot identify for you a specific cause for your anxiety. However, I can point to two general sources of emotional upheaval that might help you to begin the process of identifying the root causes of your feelings.
On a surface level, life changes can create for feelings of anxiety and/or depression, even when there appears to be no reason for them. When you first went to summer camp, did you feel some trepidation? When you enrolled at a new school, were you nervous for a time? These feelings are normal, and generally evaporate over time. At the beginning of a new venture, regardless of its positive nature, there are many unknowns. Will I make friends? Will I like it? Will I get along with my boss and associates? Even if these issues aren’t legitimate concerns, they can persist until we feel comfortable in our new environment. If these issues begin to dissipate over time, they will likely disappear in the near future.
On a deeper level, let’s understand the reason that we have these concerns at all. Self-esteem is an underlying factor with regard to many emotions. When I have no real concern (like losing my job) why will it hurt me if I don’t make friends, or if I’m not liked at work? The general answer is: if I have the sense that I’m not liked, it can make me question my own value as a person. If my self-esteem was always grounded in being popular (or smart, funny, athletic, etc.), moving to environment where this factor is unimportant can reduce this artificial sense of self-esteem, thereby causing me to feel anxious or depressed.
I will not elaborate here on the importance of building an authentic sense of self-esteem based on intrinsic qualities, which can be the long-term solution to your anxiety issues. On an interim basis, identifying the external sources of self-esteem that are no longer being sustained can help you to put your finger on the cause for your anxiety and to begin building one that is more viable in your current environment.
-Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW
psychotherapist in private practice
Brooklyn, NY
author of Self-Esteem: A Primer
www.ylcsw.com / 718-258-5317
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