As we approach Yom Kippur, Parshat Ha’azinu offers us a powerful reminder about the purpose of looking back at our past. Moshe Rabeynu tells us, “זְכֹר יְמוֹת עוֹלָם בִּינוּ שְׁנוֹת דּוֹר וָדֹר” – “Remember the days of old; understand the years of generation after generation” (Deuteronomy 32:7). At first glance, Moshe appears to be telling us simply to remember history. Yet the language of the passuk suggests something deeper. We are not only asked to remember, but to understand.
Rashi elaborates on the words “זְכֹר יְמוֹת עוֹלָם”, explaining, “הסתכלו בפועל ידי הקדוש ברוך הוא” – “Look at the actions of the Holy One, blessed be He.” On “בִּינוּ שְׁנוֹת דּוֹר וָדֹר,” Rashi teaches us to understand what happened from one generation to another. The Torah is therefore asking us to do more than recall what happened in the past. We are being asked to examine it, recognize what happened, and learn from it. This idea connects deeply to one of the central challenges of teshuvah. As a psychotherapist, I often think about the gap between knowing something and actually changing it. We can know that a behavior is not good for us, regret it, promise ourselves that we will do better, and then find ourselves repeating the same behavior. We know. We regret. We promise. And then we repeat.
Sometimes the problem is that we don't recognize the pattern. We experience each mistake as an isolated event rather than seeing the connection between them. I lost my temper again. I avoided another difficult conversation. I went back to the same unhealthy relationship. I spent hours on my phone again. I made the same promise I have made before. But what if these aren't separate events? What if they are part of a pattern? That is what I hear in “זְכֹר יְמוֹת עוֹלָם בִּינוּ שְׁנוֹת דּוֹר וָדֹר.” Remember. Look back. Understand.
The modern 12-Step recovery model recognizes a similar principle through the practice of taking an honest inventory. A person is encouraged to examine what happened, what role they played, what was happening internally, and what patterns continue to emerge. The purpose of looking backward is not to remain trapped in the past. It is to understand the past well enough to create a different future.
This is also why teshuvah requires more than simply saying, “I won't do that again.” If I want to change, I have to ask what keeps producing the behavior. What happens before I make the choice? What am I feeling? What am I trying to avoid? What situations repeatedly pull me toward the same behavior? What have I already learned about myself?
There is a powerful distinction between remembering and learning. I can remember every mistake I have ever made and still repeat them. I can feel guilty about the same behavior year after year and never change. Remembering becomes teshuvah when it produces understanding, and understanding produces a different choice.
This may be one of the reasons Ha’azinu is so appropriate as we approach Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur gives us a moment to look backward, but the goal is not simply to catalog our failures. We are supposed to notice something. To understand something. To recognize the patterns that have shaped our choices.
Perhaps the question we should bring into Yom Kippur is not only, “What did I do wrong?”
It is also: “What have I already learned?”
What do I know about myself? When do I tend to fall into the same behavior? What situations bring it out? What emotions tend to come first? What story do I tell myself right before I make the choice? Who is affected by my behavior? And then comes the most important question: When the same challenge comes back, what will I do differently? Because it will come back. The same frustration. The same loneliness. The same temptation. The same insecurity. The same opportunity to fall into the familiar pattern.
Teshuvah does not require us to pretend that the old path never existed. It asks us to recognize the path we have been walking so that when we reach the same crossroads, we have the awareness and courage to choose another direction. That may be the deeper message of “זְכֹר” and “בִּינוּ.” Remember the past, but don't simply remember it. Understand it.
The three tips for addressing your patterns:
- Identify the Pattern
Don't look only at the individual mistake. Ask: What keeps happening? When does it happen? What usually comes right before it? The goal is to recognize the pathway before you automatically walk down it.
- Identify the Trigger
Pay attention to what happens internally before the behavior. Am I lonely? Angry? Bored? Anxious? Feeling rejected? Avoiding discomfort? Often the behavior is the symptom, while the trigger points toward the deeper issue that needs attention.
- Choose Differently at the Crossroads
Don't wait for the next Yom Kippur resolution. Decide now: When this situation comes back, what specifically will I do differently? Teshuvah becomes real when the familiar trigger returns and we practice a new response.
As we approach Yom Kippur, may we have the courage to look honestly at our past without becoming trapped by it. May we recognize not only the mistakes we have made, but the patterns behind them. And may that understanding give us the ability to respond differently when the same challenges return. Because the purpose of looking backward is not to live in the past. It is so that we can walk into the future differently.
Elan Javanfard, M.A., L.M.F.T. is a Consulting Psychotherapist focused on behavioral health redesign, a Professor of Psychology at Pepperdine University, Touro University, & a lecturer related to Mindfulness, Evidence Based Practices, and Suicide Prevention. He is the Senior Director at Didi Hirsch Mental Health and a Board member of the Crisis Residential Association and Nefesh International. Elan is the author of Psycho-Spiritual Insights: Exploring Parasha & Psychology, a weekly blog. He lives in Los Angeles Pico Robertson community with his wife and three children and can be reached at Elan.Javanfard@gmail.com.