Dear Therapist:

I appreciate your column and insights and I would like to get your opinion on something that has been bothering me for a long time. I am afraid to do hagbah. I have only done it once in my life (with a really small Sefer Torah). I should be strong enough but I just have such a fear that I will drop the Sefer. I usually duck out of shul when it’s time for hagbah so that the gabbai won’t approach me. If I do get asked I always refuse, which is embarrassing. I would appreciate any advice you could give me as to how to get over this fear.

Response:

It sounds like you clearly recognize that there is no logical reason to be afraid. Nonetheless, you are. There is a discrepancy between your logical thoughts and your feelings. The trouble is that when you’re in the actual situation, your logical thoughts take a back seat to your triggered emotions.

We all experience this type of conscious/unconscious dissonance on a regular basis. We all do things that we know we shouldn’t, feel more strongly about issues than we believe we should, and react more strongly to situations than we would like. Simply put, this is due to our emotions ruling over our thoughts. When an unconscious emotion surfaces, it causes us to “believe” what it tells us. If I feel highly anxious, my conscious mind automatically tries to tie the emotion to something within the current situation.

When the time for hagbah draws near, an emotion appears to get triggered on an unconscious level. This causes your conscious mind to try and make sense of it. The emotionally-driven conscious thought identifies the possibility that you might drop the sefer. As long as the source of the trigger is present (i.e., while you’re in shul or when the sefer torah is out) it can be very difficult to focus on your logical recognition that this makes no sense. And as long as your conscious thoughts are controlled by your unconscious fears, you will “believe” what your feelings are telling you.

What you seem to clearly believe is that you will not drop the sefer, and that there is nothing to be concerned about. In retrospect (for instance while you were writing the above request) you recognize this, and probably wonder why you can’t bring this logical reasoning into shul with you. Likely, you either think logically or emotionally. When you’re not triggered, you think logically; when triggered, you think emotionally.

When we’re thinking logically, our instinct is to “convince” ourselves not to be afraid. We focus only on our logical thoughts, reminding ourselves that our emotions don’t make sense. This instinct stops us from properly challenging our fears. What you’re not doing is identifying and analyzing your fear, then thinking about it from a new, rational perspective. This can be very difficult to do when your fear is present.

When your fear is no longer present (and you’re thinking logically) try to conjure up the feeling of fear. Try and understand its origins, the circumstances at the time, and the reasons that you were afraid. In high school, were you afraid to do hagbah for fear of being thought of as a weakling? Did you assume that a sefer torah is heavier than it really is? Were you intimidated by the attention or by the significance of doing hagbah? These are examples of the causes of fears that can be strongly triggered despite the fact that your current logical thoughts do not support them. Actually, the very fact that you no longer believe these can cause your conscious mind to shy away from acknowledging their existence. Doing so, however, and beginning to change your thoughts about past fears can reduce their potency. This can decrease the strength of your triggers, allowing you to think more logically. If you have other fears, related to religion or otherwise, following this prescription can help you to better deal with them.

-Yehuda Lieberman, LCSW

  psychotherapist in private practice

 Brooklyn, NY   |   Far Rockaway, NY

 author of Self-Esteem: A Primer

 www.ylcsw.com / 718-258-5317

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