Our Gemara on Amud Aleph uses a metaphor to explain a structured legal process, likening it to a row of interleaved bricks. Rashi explains that in a wall of bricks, the second row is staggered so that the end points of each brick in the first row come out in the middle of bricks in the second row. This arrangement enhances stability. Otherwise, if a first brick on the wall's edge becomes loose, it could lead to the entire vertical row of first bricks shearing off. This is akin to a hem for a wall.

Without knowledge of physics and relying on superficial logic, a builder might mistakenly believe that stacking all the bricks evenly, one on top of the other, is the most symmetrical and stable way to build. However, experience shows that this is not the case. Similarly, in life, symmetry may appear appealing on the surface, but it is not as stable as complementarity, where opposing forces are interwoven. As the Shalah indicates (Toldos Odom 15), metaphor transcends mere analogy, representing a larger truth that spans all levels of the physical and spiritual worlds. The Zohar (2:161b) teaches us a crucial mystical principle: Hashem used the Torah as a blueprint and guide for the creation of the world. Consequently, a carefully managed clash of opposites can lead to greater stability, a principle that is also applicable to relationships.  This idea has been extensively researched showing its value in marriage.

At its most basic level, the notion that successful families and relationships are built upon the cooperation between two inherently different genders is fundamental. (I am not delving into the definition of gender or who identifies as male or female for this discussion. Suffice it to say that male and female patterns of relating exist statistically and archetypally, regardless of individual behavior.) The human personality itself is an uneasy marriage between competing drives and instincts or the interplay of the spiritual yearnings of the soul and the physical desires of the body or even the union of God with His creation, which allowed for the existence of the physical realm.

Using fMRI imaging, researchers have identified gender differences in responses and insincts (University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. "Brain Imaging Shows How Men And Women Cope Differently Under Stress." ScienceDaily. 20 November 2007. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/11/071119170133.htm>):

"We found that different parts of the brain activate with different spatial and temporal profiles for men and women when they are faced with performance-related stress," says J.J. Wang, PhD, Assistant Professor of Radiology and Neurology and lead author of the study. These findings suggest that stress responses may be fundamentally different in each gender, sometimes characterized as "fight-or-flight" in men and "tend-and-befriend" in women.

These two opposing responses are inherently valuable in helping a developing child internalize a healthy and balanced perspective on how to respond to the environment, opportunities, and threats. It is logical to assume that when male and female gendered parents interact as themselves according to their masculine and feminine natures, while also showing respect and consideration for the alternate perspective, the child grows up in an emotionally rich and stimulating environment. This is not just about reactions to stress; we can extrapolate that male fathers will prioritize different pedagogical goals than female mothers. Fathers may be more concerned about physical strength and intellectual performance to counter external threats, while mothers focus on empathy and relational skills to foster emotional safety and connection. Of course, both traits are valuable.

A review of an extensive body of diverse research finds that compared to children continuously living with two parents, married parents, or their own biological parents, children in other family arrangements (such as single parents) consistently experience lower emotional well-being, physical health, and academic achievement (Sullins DP. The Case for Mom and Dad. Linacre Q. 2021 May;88(2):184-201. doi: 10.1177/0024363921989491. Epub 2021 Mar 8. PMID: 33897050; PMCID: PMC8033487).

A healthy couple will thrive when they understand and respect feminine and masculine instincts and engage in collaborative dialogue to ensure each receives their due.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

Do you like what you see? Please subscribe and also forward any articles you enjoy to your friends, (enemies too, why not?)