Our Gemara on Amud Beis discusses an interesting wrinkle in the legal fate of the Biblical Rebellious Son described in Devarim (21:18). If the parents forgive his transgressions, he is not prosecuted.

Shem MiShmuel (Ki Seitzei, Year 5671) asks: We have learned (Mishna Sanhedrin 8:5) that the Rebellious Son is sentenced to death not because of the severity of the transgressions he has already committed, but on account of his ultimate end. A boy of his nature will grow up to lead an immoral life, and it is better that he die while still innocent—before causing excessive harm—than die after he becomes guilty. If so, why is it of material significance that his parents forgive him? This is not really a punishment but a pre-emptive measure. I’ll intensify the question: If anything, forgiving him spoils him and actually encourages more antisocial tendencies. As the verse states regarding Adoniyahu, “His father (Dovid Hamelech) never scolded him” (Melochim Aleph 1:6), implying that the lack of rebuke spoiled him. Furthermore, asks Shem MiShmuel, why do we say the Rebellious Son is punished because of how he may end up? Should we not assume he can repent?

Shem MiShmuel uses one question to answer the other. Repentance stems from the attachment each Jew has to God, even a sinner. This tenuous connection allows for a revival of sensibilities and a return to the moral path. However, the Rebellious Son, who has committed such violations against his parents, has broken his bond with them—and consequently with God. The last embers of connection have died to the point that repentance is unlikely. Yet, when his parents choose to forgive him, this may restore the connection, opening the door for future repentance.

You might wonder: Why would the parents’ forgiveness arouse a connection that he has severed? The simple explanation is that if his parents were so moved, there must be some signal or redeeming quality in the child. A deeper explanation might be that the very act of forgiveness warms this child’s numb heart and arouses a corresponding response. As it states in Mishle (27:19): “As face reflects face in water, so does one man’s heart to another.” If this second answer is the intent of the Shem MiShmuel, we learn a profound lesson: No matter how far a child has strayed and distanced himself, if the parents maintain a forgiving attitude, it keeps the door of repentance open.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R, DHL is a psychotherapist who works with high conflict couples and families. He can be reached via email at simchafeuerman@gmail.com