Our Gemara on Amud Beis tells us about the Palestinian version of “Amelia Bedelia”:

She was a simple but devout woman, and had difficulty comprehending the difference between her husband’s dialect and hers, leading to numerous frustrating encounters. Her husband would make a seemingly simple request, and she would misunderstand his words and give him something else to his great annoyance. Perhaps, she was what we would say today, “On the spectrum”, in that she might have been too literal. As the story goes, one time her husband asked for botzina (melon) and she gave him lamps, which is what botzina meant in her Palestinian dialect of Aramaic. Her husband became furious and declared that she should smash the lamps on the bava (doorpost). As fate would have it, a prominent sage was passing through town who was named Bava the son of Buta. She promptly smashed the lamps on his head.

You could imagine the scene. A great sage, publicly humiliated with oil and ash from the lamp dripping down his head and clothes in front of his entourage of students and followers. Bava ben Buta calmly inquires, “What’s this about?” The woman proceeds to tell him her story, and Bava ben Buta, realized she was a simple, devout woman merely trying to follow her husband’s bidding. He then blesses her and sends her on her way. The Talmud tells us that as a result of this blessing she merited to have two sons who became great sages and tzaddikim. Bava ben Buta had every right to be furious, but instead he was curious. 

Another example of staying calm and asking questions before getting reactive comes from Tanach. After Adam and Chava ate from the Tree of Knowledge, the scripture tells us they hid from God out of shame. When God's presence seeks them out, He queries, “Where are you?”, and “Did you eat from the forbidden tree?” Rashi notes (Bereishis 3:9) that of course God knew where Adam and Chava were and what they did. God simply engaged them in this manner to open dialogue, without overwhelming them. This gave Adam a chance to compose himself and gather his thoughts, even to have the opportunity to repent. 

The important lesson is to not jump to conclusions, and even when angered or frustrated, to ask questions first and try to understand where the other person is coming from.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

Do you like what you see? Please subscribe and also forward any articles you enjoy to your friends, (enemies too, why not?)