Our Gemara on Amud Aleph tells us about shenanigans that Bar Kapparah, a badchan, did at Rabbi Yehuda Hanasi’s daughter’s wedding. At some point, part of a riddle challenge, he says:

Tomorrow I will drink wine at your father’s dancing and your mother’s [kirekanei].

“Kirekanie” is probably an onomatopoeia. Some commentaries say it was singing (Ran), while others say dancing (Tosafos), and others say that it is making yodels (such as the Sephardim do at weddings, Ben Yehoyada.)

While it is subject to various forms of interpretation, we are left with an impression that, one way or another, a woman was either singing or dancing in front of men. On a broad level, this is because of the custom of dancing in front of the Kallah, which is permitted, so long as a person is with pure intention and confident that it will not lead to sexual thoughts (See Shulkhan Arukh EH 21:5 and commentaries there who debate the fine points of what is permissible and what is not for the sake of rejoicing with the chosson and kallah.)

An interesting wrinkle related to this comes up in a custom in certain homes for the women and men to sing Shabbos Zemiros. There is a Teshuva of Sereidei Aish 1:77 where he discusses the idea of choirs of young men and young women singing together in a Jewish youth club for the sake of kiruv, kind of like NCSY, but of course before its time. While he was not utterly endorsing it, he did grant that it could be permitted. He noted that when he arrived in Germany he discovered in many religious German households men and women singing Shabbos zemiros together in front of guests. He was given to understand that this practice was permitted by both Rav Shimshon Rafael Hirsch and Rav Azriel Hildesheimer, revered authorities in the German Jewish halakhic community. It seems the heter is based on the fact that people are focused on the spiritual and holiness of the experience and not to enjoy the female voice from a place of sexual arousal. There are poskim (Chinuch 188, Sefer Chemed Aroch “Kol”) Who say that the prohibition was only when a person is having in mind specifically to enjoy the female voice.

It is also of note, that Peninei Halachos (Tznius 7:12) States that it was a practice of Rav Tzvi Pesach Frank and Rav Ovadiah Yosef to have singing at their Shabbos table of family members and in-laws. 

When it comes to modesty and sexual abstention they are always two polar concerns to consider. On the one hand, it is easy to rationalize and be drawn after sexuality in an inappropriate way, because it is such a powerful instinct. However, because this matter involves normal family emotional and intimate process, one must be careful to be normal. To have a normal life and a normal family you need to behave normally, after all. So perhaps it’s a good thing for your family to be extra modest and not sing at the table, or perhaps it’s not such a good thing because of the overall family bonding and togetherness that could be accomplished at the Shabbos table. Each person has to use wisdom, in consultation with their spouse, to figure out what’s right for their family.

Translations Courtesy of Sefaria, except when, sometimes, I disagree with the translation

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