The Mishkan and Shabbos are inextricably linked. When Hashem told Moshe about the Mishkan, He said, “But observe Shabbos.” (Shimos 31:13) From here we learn that as holy as the Mishkan was, it was not to be built on Shabbos. Also, we learn that the acts that were needed to create the Mishkan are the same acts that are forbidden for us to do on Shabbos.

What is remarkable is that when Moshe taught about the Mishkan, he also taught about Shabbos, but Moshe switched the order. Instead of teaching about the Mishkan first as Hashem did, Moshe taught about Shabbos first and then taught about the Mishkan. (Shimos 35:2) Why did Moshe switch the order?

When we consider the function of Shabbos and the Mishkan we notice that each is an affirmation and praise. Shabbos is the Jewish people’s expression of praise to Hashem; it is an affirmation that Hashem created the world. The Mishkan is an expression of Hashem’s praise for the Jewish people; it is an affirmation that the Jewish people can create an abode for Hashem, and He will dwell in it.

Thus, we can suggest that although Shabbos and the Mishkan are clearly linked, the order in which they are presented depends on who was speaking. When Hashem was speaking, He mentioned the Mishkan first because the Mishkan praises the Jewish people. When Moshe, a member of the Jewish people, was speaking, he mentioned Shabbos first because Shabbos praises Hashem.

We find such a concept regarding the Yom Tov of Pesach. In the Chumash (Shimos 23:15) the holiday is called “Chag HaMatzos,” the holiday of matzoh, because matzoh is a praise from Hashem to the Jewish people that they trusted Him at the time of the Exodus and left quickly with only matzoh. But when the Jewish people refer to the holiday, we call it “Pesach,” because that means “to skip over,” which is a praise and affirmation to Hashem who skipped over our homes in Mitzrayim when He killed the first born and redeemed us.

Similarly, the Talmud (Brachos 6) tells us that Hashem has Teffilin which have a different text than ours. In our Teffilin it is written that Hashem is one. In Hashem’s Teffilin it is written that the Jewish people are a singular nation. Apparently, the style of expression in a good relationship is that although each one knows the attributes of both, each one looks primarily to praise the other.

One of the exercises that I like to use when working with people is an attribute exercise. For example, if I am working with a husband and wife, I will have each of them take pen and paper and write a few things that they admire about their spouse. Then, before I have them share what they wrote, I ask them to turn the paper over and write down something that they consider an attribute about themselves which they hope their spouse will mention and appreciate. I then have them each share the attributes they wrote that they admire in the other. If things are going well and they are curious I will then have them share the quality that they consider admirable about themselves, something that can lead to a very meaningful conversation.

It is my belief that healthy living involves both an awareness of the other person’s attributes and your own. If a person is not in touch with his or her own attributes, then they are not living with healthy self-esteem. But as important as it is to know your attributes, proper ettiqute is that we focus and prioritize on the attributes of the other. As Hashem and Moshe modeled for us by the Shabbos and the Mishkan, even as it is important for us to know ourselves, we each give priority to say to the other, “I’m so proud and grateful for you.”

Mordechai Rhine is a certified mediator who specializes in marriage mediation. He is based in Baltimore, Maryland, and services clients throughout the United States via Zoom. Rabbi Rhine has served as a community Rabbi for over two decades. He can be reached through his website, www.care-mediation.com, or by email at RMRhine@gmail.com.